In the world of group facilitation, a familiar and elusive character often emerges during discussions: "They." This character, shrouded in ambiguity, becomes a convenient scapegoat, blamed for hindering progress and stifling creativity. As a facilitator, I frequently encounter groups attributing their challenges to this nebulous entity, "they."
Listening for "They"
When facilitating group conversations, I listen attentively for mentions of "they." Phrases like "They won't let us," "They wouldn't go for it," or "They don't like this or that," signal a surface-level conversation where assumptions and generalizations are at play. This "they" represents an external force perceived to wield significant power over the group's actions and outcomes, effectively halting productive dialogue.
The Power of Assumptions
Using "they" allows groups to sidestep deeper, more uncomfortable conversations. It's easier to externalize blame than to reflect on internal dynamics or actionable steps the group can take. However, this mindset is a hard stop for progress. It leaves groups feeling powerless and victimized, their hands tied by an unseen antagonist.
Shifting the Focus
To break free from the constraints imposed by "they," I encourage groups to redirect their focus inward. I ask, "What can the group control?" This question empowers participants to identify their sphere of influence and take ownership of their actions. By shifting the conversation from what "they" are doing to what "we" can do, the group gains a sense of agency and responsibility.
Challenging Assumptions
Another critical step is challenging the assumptions underlying the "they" narrative. I prompt groups to reflect on the basis of their beliefs about "they." Questions like, "What is the assumption we are using by directing it to 'they'?" help uncover the biases and misconceptions that fuel this narrative. This introspection often reveals that the perceived barriers are not as insurmountable as initially thought.
Division and Conflict: The Camp Mentality
Shifting negativity onto a group represented by "they" who are not part of the conversation can cause significant division within the group or organization. This dynamic sets up an "us versus them" mentality, creating camps and fostering conflict and opposition. When groups fall into this trap, they often find themselves locked in a cycle of blame and defensiveness, which impedes collaboration and problem-solving.
The "we" and "they" dichotomy can escalate tensions, as members of the group may start to identify more strongly with their respective "camps." This division can lead to a breakdown in communication, eroding trust and making it difficult for the group to work towards common goals. The perceived opposition between "we" and "they" becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, as each side digs in, reinforcing the barriers that divide them.
Including "They" in the Conversation
Perhaps the most transformative approach is to bring "they" into the conversation. When groups cast all their issues on "they," they effectively exclude those who might provide valuable insights and solutions. I encourage groups to reach out to the people they are referring to as "they" and include them in the dialogue. This inclusion fosters mutual understanding, breaks down divisive assumptions, and often uncovers shared goals and collaborative opportunities.
Conclusion
In group dynamics, the mythical "they" can be a powerful diversionary tactic that stalls progress and perpetuates misunderstandings. As facilitators, our role is to unmask this villain, challenge assumptions, and guide groups toward constructive, inclusive conversations. By focusing on what the group can control and involving the people represented by "they," we can transform blame into action and pave the way for meaningful, collaborative outcomes. Addressing the "they" narrative head-on helps prevent the division and conflict that can arise from creating camps within a group, fostering a more unified and cooperative environment.
For those interested in exploring ways to address the "they" issue within your group or learning how to facilitate these discussions effectively, feel free to reach out to me for a conversation. Let's work together to transform your group's dynamics and foster a more inclusive and collaborative environment.
Charity Adams
Certified ToP Facilitator and Trainer
